BABY ON BOARD!

Public transport can be such a bargain, on one hand it can get you to your destination quite fast because the drivers know evey single detour in the city.  These drivers can literally fit in the eye of a needle if it means that it will somehow help them evade traffic or the dreaded police.  Quick question,  why are all detours made of nothing but the terrain that you would expect to find on the moon?  I have been driven through actual craters and roads that have not been inhabited by humans since the stone age. But I digress. 

On the other hand,  you get to share a tiny congested space with different people. People of different genders,  religion,  ethnicity, psychological and emotional states.  You get to share your space with people you have never met in your life. For the social people,  this is a very ideal situation for them. They can start a conversation with just about anyone ,but for the social introverts, all they went is some peace and quite.

I dreaded getting in a vehicle with babies or toddlers . The noise, the crying,the restlessness, the occasional poop. Why wouldn’t they just sit and be silent and hold in their farts like the rest of us? Why wouldn’t their parents handle then? After a long day under the scorching sun the last thing I wanted is to get into that congested space and get my hair pulled ,dodge their drool or listen to their constant bickering of non existent things using non existent words. But this was me before I had a baby of my own.

My baby and I are so used to private transport and so on the occasions we use public transport it is legendary. I don’t think we can quite behave ourselves. We not only make noise, but we actually whip out a phone,put baby songs and sing along to them ,like drunken karaoke. We not only fart but when she poops my reaction is asking her “is it a big one ? ” and wait through the whole ride because you can’t quite change a baby in a mobile vehicle.

I see all your uncomfortable looks fellow passengers so I serve this as a warning , you see us getting into a vehicle, run! But if you want to see two babies in a new habitat, we invite you to witness and document. To all the mothers I had previously thought to have unruly babies and mannerisms, this is my formal application to be the official spokesperson to the Mother Child Nuisance Group ,the Public Transport branch. 

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BAD LUCK COMES IN THREES. 

I was walking home from campus on a Wednesday evening. The sun was almost setting; it was giving off the ever glorious red orange glow and a few rays through the clouds. This was the evening to fall in love.

The way our estate is set up, you’ll have to walk up a hill that is of unleveled ground with an array of rocks. The distance is about 3 kilometers and since I had made the resolution to live healthier and lose some weight, I had decided to walk home. On this lovely day, I had worn my new (stolen from my sister) heels, doing my lazy stumbling walk, mostly stumbling ,and still trying to manage to walk as feminine as I could to which I was failing miserably . 

My goal was to get home as quick as I could and get out of these uncomfortable shoes and like a scorned dog, put my tail in between my legs and give this shoes sent from hell to torment me back to my sister. The universe does not work that way, does it now? Karma and all her grace was weaving an intricate plot to get back at me. 

Halfway through my ordeal, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I let out a ‘what now’ sigh and turned around. I was met by a tall dark handsome guy; my eyes were having a visual feast.  He was not in a shirt but wore work out shorts and may I say I held back literally salivating on his perfect physic. He had pecs that looked like perfect crescent shaped moons with six accompanying stars. Don’t get me started on his arms and legs, on second thought, do get me started because he looked like he was manufactured in a laboratory with muscle, brawn and everything hunky. 

He introduced himself as Nathaniel, who was in the neighborhood visiting and had decided to go out for a run. I half expected him to ask me for directions or ask me why I was walking like I had fire ants up my loins but surprisingly he said that he ‘would not pass a beautiful lady without talking to her. Ha! I instinctively started looking for the beautiful lady he was referring to. He thought I was making a sarcastic joke and I played along after realizing it was me. I was his beautiful lady, in the glorious sunset and in my ill-fitting stolen shoes, I was s his beautiful lady.

We were having a pretty amazing, intellectual and easy going conversation. He came off as a nice guy who had a lot of things in common with me.  In my head I was thinking,” where oh where have you been all my life”. My milkshake mostly brings the ;cannot make a good English sentence, looks like a thug, has never heard of a tooth brush, will not keep his hands to himself, won’t stop looking at my milkshakes, guys to the yard and this was a breath of fresh air to me.

Everything was perfect, for that moment it was perfect, and then a bug decided it was the most opportune time to fling its entire body in my eye!!!! Not just any bug, no sir, the tiny monsters that release a stinging liquid. Never in my entire life have I ever been in such a dilemma, on one hand is this dashing man who looks like he was a sculpture that had been perfected and was made human and on the other hand was this annoying, monstrosity of a bug busy having a soiree in my eye. I had two options; either screams, rub my eye to try and get the bug out while making a fuss then ask for his help or two, try blinking in hopes it will come out on its own and my ordeal will be over before he even notices a thing. I gave it a hard thought and weighed on the options and choose option number two, blinking. I tried to do it as seductively as I could. I know what you are all thinking and busy judging me for but trust me when you are in the presence of a man whose butt looks like the sun rises on one cheek and sets on the other, your brain conveniently  shuts down discarding the billions of years of evolution.

Just as I think relief is well on its way and I have successfully gone through my ordeal like a woman warrior another one of those pesky bugs goes into my other eye. This is where my mind starts to spin, is the universe trying to tell me something or is this just a coincidence. Now I am blinking both eyes still trying to look seductive while stumbling in my uncomfortable heels because I am now blinded. I must have looked like I was having a full blown seizure.  My, oh my, I was not a pretty sight!  Nathaniel now noticed my discomfort and asked me what the matter was.  I started to explain to him about the bugs and I honestly wish I was making this up but another one of those bugs that seemed were hell bent to keep me and my Romeo apart flew into my nose, yes, my nose.  

Let’s pause here because I need to declare that I was not, still not and never going to be ashamed of the events that followed.

I instantly bent, removed the heels and hauled ass out of there. Literally ran away very abruptly, without any warning or anything else until I was home. I did not even look back to try and see his reaction. Poor Nathaniel, I must have spooked the shit out of him, one moment he is having a great conversation with a pretty girl with a slight limp then in a split second she is barefoot, running away with bloodshot eyes without any warning. Thinking of it now I must be his maximum level of his bat-shit-crazymometer and one of those legendary stories that are told by friends when anyone says they can’t understand women then passed down from father to son as a warning.

I do not know if our union was to bring the apocalypse maybe send the world to the fall of civilization or the earth would have spun out of its orbit and be flung into space but whatever it was I know bad luck when I see it and the universe was telling me to nope the hell away from him or the rest of my body shall be invaded by the tiny chaotic stinging bugs.

Dear Mr. Nathaniel I hope you read this and finally understand what happened on that fateful day but I hope we never meet again because I am not sure my eyes and nostrils can take it again.

THE FIRST KISS. 

Thanks to our parents we all grew up knowing that we should absolutely keep away from the boys and to further push their agenda they told us the tale of the dreaded deadly and ,unknown to us kids at the time, extremely imaginary cooties. That if we were to dare kiss a boy we would be plagued by the unspeakable horrors if the cootie virus.  This one was right up there beside the boogie man and Santa’s naughty list. 

As soon as we hit puberty and grew up ,letting go of our imaginary friends and monsters, we started getting interested in boys. I speak for all girls when I say we dearly wait for our first kiss. The magical moments where we meet our prince charming or Alejandro and ( drum roll)  the world will stand still, sparks will fly, heaven will open up to the harmonious sound of a thousand angels and the most intimate perfect kiss will happen and seal the deal for happily ever after. Courtesy of Disney and the telenovelas for this pipe dream. 

The proverbial first kiss is actually a slippery ,saliva filled mess that involves each of the individuals involved trying to prove their amateur lip techniques while bend their necks at abnormal angles. 

Yes, my fellow ladies and gentlemen, do not be fooled by anyone’s bragging on how “he was an amazing kisser” and how “she couldn’t get enough of me” we all all as clueless as Adam and Eve were. 

Because of how absolutely weird and strange I am,  I and my then boyfriend had planned our first kiss.  Yes, I said planned.  It was to take place on a Sunday night so it would give us time to research on the perfect kiss.  I repeat, absolutely weird and strange.

 So being me, I spent the whole week being all giddy and anxious while researching on google on how to attain the perfect kiss.  For those wondering, I typed’how to be a perfect kisser’ . There were tons of responses. 

The steps seemed straight forward and simple to follow

  1. Be comfortable, which I obviously was. 
  2. Set the mood. Planned our secret romantic rendezvous under the stars .
  3. Place your lips on his and go with the flow.  Simple right??  NOT! 

First of all I had absolutely no idea that “going with the flow” was having my lips ravaged through by some horny young man on testosterone. 

my hands!  Why did no one tell me what to do with my hands? But soon enough I realized Mr boyfriend had absolutely no hard time trying to find what his hand were to do and all I was now doing was holding his to try and save the little innocence I had left. 

Even after my whole week of perfect planning and in depth ( rolling eyes)  research my first kiss was as pathetic as the next person. And yes,  I did text my girls on how utterly ‘amazing ‘ my first kiss was. 

A good kiss takes a while to perfect.  I would like to brag about my kissing prowess but seeing as to how my relatives read my blog and I not wanting to have to give long weird explanations ,I won’t. 

Now you know ,when they tell you how perfect their first kiss was, chuckle,  nod and do not fret, it was as bad as yours was. 

HER

​Her steps were rhythmic ,as though she was forever trapped in an unseen dance of fluidity. Her arm gently swayed side to side,outstretched,  reaching for the cold smooth concrete wall.  

Her eyes like crystals, could bore right into your soul ,tear down your walls and draw your deepest unuttered desires. The wind caressed her hair like two lovers in gentle but intimate romance. 

Her pink full lips  tightly pursed,  as though she was trying to hold back mouthing the wondrous tune she was humming. 

Her head ,tenderly rocking side to side, was in tune with the gracious fluidity she moved with. She moved in a way such that you would think she had no control of her body. She was a puppet to the universe in a perfect harmonious dance. 

She had an allure to her, an innocence. An intangible inexplicable quality that sucked you right into her.  A terrible seduction that invaded your thoughts and poisoned your blood that course through your body .

She was an enigma,  an alien, a fascinating creature that evoked a turmoil of emotions. She was like a fierce waterfall that could claim you and hull you on the hard water bed rocks,  but also like the giggle of a baby, soft and tender .

It was not hard to see that we were her puppets ,and she, our puppet master.  She was hypnotic, resistance was futile. She lead, we followed.  In her invisible dance, we all moved. 

DARKNESS. 


It is going to be a gloomy night. 

The wind hollows through the trees as the dark cloud descends like a wave of desolation. It rattles through the roof tops, moves the swing making  high pitched continuous squeal and passes through the crevices in a never ending sound of a grim whistle. 

The roads are long clear, devoid of any life.  No one would dare. Not a sound can be heard,  not a clang of pots and pans, not the shuffle of feet,nor the whimper of a dog, not even the chirping of crickets. All there is is depressingly void maddening silence in the hollow wind. 

Darkness creeps in like wild fire. Consuming any bit of light and robbing of any glint of happiness.  The pitch black darkness brings dread and desperation. I start to shiver uncontrollably and hang on to my torn dirty grey coat on to my thin frame.  The cold is becoming unbearable. It can be felt to the bone. I try to move but it feels as though one of my bones will snap, so I stay put.

  The trees, oh the trees. Deprived of their  lustre,have an ashy grey colour. With no leaves, with crooked barks and protruding roots move dangerously  with the strong winds. As if threatening to impale anything that dare step close.

Fear came riding a black steed and has reigned since.  
I try to conjur the memory the sound of laughter, the sound of people talking, the  sound of laughter ,the sound of children playing or the humming of a song.  I try to remember the last time I saw a living soul. Nobody leaves their house, no one would dare. 

I look through the dusty,  milky cracked window and I think how I miss the boring normal days, oh how I miss them. I miss the blissful naivety i once had. Before I knew what lurks in the darkness,before I had a peek through the veil, before my ignorance ,my precious ignorance was taken away from me. 

The life had been sucked out of us in a sluggish sadistic manner. From a blooming town of boring normal people to a sad desolate place riddled with unspeakable horrors.  

The wind hollows,the roofs rattle, the swings squeal,the crevices whistle and the trees sway. In silence it all stays,in maddening desolate silence. I tightly cling to my coat on to my body of skin and bone. The darkness is upon us. 

It is going to be a gloomy night. 

THE GAME.

As usual, I was surfing the internet looking for something interesting to read at three am (I know,  doesn’t sound anything usual to most) when I stumbled upon a sentence.  It seized me with such remarkable interest that I had one of those ‘you dont say ‘ moment. At an instant it changed  how I viewed life as well as how I will forever view it . The sentence read ” treat the cards that you we’re dealt with as if they are the cards you wanted”.

I don’t know if my epiphany is in any way a  mutual feeling, but I’ll go right ahead and delve into it.  

So since we are all conceived to the day we let out our last breath there is one thing in common that we face. It doesn’t matter to what your continent, religion, sexual orientation,  skin colour or even status but every single person on the universe has their on set of problems,challanges, bumps on the road,rough patches  or whatever you would like to call them. Not a single person can say that from the day they we’re born they have had a smile plastered across their face to the day they die. 

The cards are a representative of our life’s  experiences.  The dealer is life. We all shape our own destiny by how we deal with what life serves us.  To better understand this I have broken it down :

  • Never ever compare your situation to another persons.

The worst thing that we do to ourselves is compare ourselves to other people. When I was in high school I had a class mate ,Jane(not her real name), her family was not well up and this made her a very angry and bitter person. She cconstantly told me “Eve, I wish I was like Mary(not her real name) . Her parents are too wealthy and her life is just perfect”. Fast forward to  two years later ,Mary committed suicide and left the saddest note, her dad had been sexually molesting her ever since she was twelve. This was very devastating and mostly to Jane who always thought that Mary had the perfect life.  Jane, though very poor,had loving and caring parents who were always there for her.
Everyone has their own demons to deal with. The grass always looks greener on the other side but that is rarely the case. NEVER EVER compare your situation to another persons because every single person    is unique and has theit own problems to deal with .

  • Embrace your problems.

Acknowledge your problems, accept them and deal with them. Instead of running away from our struggles we should learn to embrace them and face them head strong.  We try to blind ourselves with imagined fantasies of  a perfect life. We create illusions that we can ignore our problems and continue with a very fulfilling life. Life is far from perfect and instead of living with it could have or it should be a certain way we must learn to embrace our problems and deal with them.

  • Eliminate fear in our lives.

We only hold ourselves back from a full filling life by the fear that our problems are going to hold us down yet the only thing that shall ever hold us back is ourselves. We have constant fears that we will land into problems soon or later and this deludes us from ever dealing with our already existing problems.  

We should be brave enough to face life as it is. No holding back on fully lliving our lives  If we live in constant fear of problems we can get nothing done. We must learn to eliminate  fear completely from our lives and reap the fruits that we so richly deserve. 

We can only get to live a very fruitful life if we choose to treat the cards we a dealt with as if they are the cards we wanted. Its by fully accepting the life we have and dealing with everything as per the situation can we see past the see past our problems.


IMAGINATION.

Surely  there is nothing  more beautiful,  more intriguing, more innate than human imagination. We cannot see it nor grasp it but everything that was, is and ever will be is a testament of it.

Every single child is born having in his or her own mind, their unique  imagination. Einstein  said that the true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination. He adds that imagination is more important than knowledge because knowledge is limited while  imagination encircles the world.

Lets look at the 1800s when the one source of light was only oil lamps but a young man,.Thomas Edison would only go to invent the electric bulb and he had to look for an investor to market his invention. Most people turned him down but he managed to find one in JP Morgan.  His father was also a skeptic to the bulb calling it sorcery and a fad. We are talking about the electric bulb. That little gadget that is in each and every one of our houses, shops. Literally  everywhere is littered with this little things. Once an imagination by Thomas Edison. A thing that no one could think would ever exist.

This is just but one example of what would happen if we let our imagination come to light and support them even though it goes against what people think is possible.  Everyone  is blessed with imagination.  Steve Jobs once said that everything around us was created by someone no smarter than you. 

If we all encourage each other to trust in their imagination and raise our children naturing their imaginations the fact that everything is possible would be written in our souls and all doubts thrown to the dark pits that they belong  . A person who lived just 50 years ago would drop just by thinking  of how the world is today. The same goes for 50 years in the future the world will be a totally different place and we can only owe this to imagination. 

I have always believed that imagination is to thank for everything that is today. It humanises us, it’s who we are. So I encourage you to imagine and create because  thats what keeps us at the top and in the continuation of   the innovative advancements in the human race.