From the outside looking in , you were probably a picture perfect family. Successful parents , bright beautiful kids,good schools ,expensive clothes and that big house. But from the inside you were in hell. It was never a home ,just a house.
You saw violence, in many forms, between the two people who are supposed to love and protect you. You cried , you screamed ,you tried to stop them but you were told to shut up, and so you did. You knew to not speak about it, not even with your siblings. It is a shame you have carried ,a shame that shouldn’t be yours but you never knew any better.
You had to live by learning how to survive so you learned how to predict if a fight was going to happen but no matter how prepared you were you could never be fully numb to the sight of the two people you love the most beat each other black and blue. You feared that one day you’d get back to that house and find a dead body.
You can never understand how two people who claim to love each other hurt each other this bad ,this long ,this deeply. This has followed you to adulthood.You probably have an embittered view of love and relationships .you don’t want to repeat your parents mistakes but you also wonder how to give what you’ve never had or experienced.
You are tormented by your past , a past you had no control over. Peace feels foreign to you because you grew accustomed to war and to cope , your brain normalized it. You know its not normal but its been too familiar.
You understand how easy it is to fall in the same cycle,if it has not happened, but you must want to do better , be better. Its a path that you have not walked before but one you have to create. You have to deliberately break the chain, you have to seek the help you need. You have to to unburden yourself ,you have to tear down that wall, rip that band aid off and remove the blind fold of childhood trauma. You must allow your children to live and thrive in a home where they are happy and safe.
Love doesn’t and shouldn’t hurt. Create the life you have always wanted. Have a home , have peace and most importantly have happiness.