DEAR CHILD FROM THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY.

From the outside looking in , you were probably a picture perfect family. Successful parents , bright beautiful kids,good schools ,expensive clothes and that big house. But from the inside you were in hell. It was never a home ,just a house.

You saw violence, in many forms, between the two people who are supposed to love and protect you. You cried , you screamed ,you tried to stop them but you were told to shut up, and so you did. You knew to not speak about it, not even with your siblings. It is a shame you have carried ,a shame that shouldn’t be yours but you never knew any better.

You had to live by learning how to survive so you learned how to predict if a fight was going to happen but no matter how prepared you were you could never be fully numb to the sight of the two people you love the most beat each other black and blue. You feared that one day you’d get back to that house and find a dead body.

You can never understand how two people who claim to love each other hurt each other this bad ,this long ,this deeply. This has followed you to adulthood.You probably have an embittered view of love and relationships .you don’t want to repeat your parents mistakes but you also wonder how to give what you’ve never had or experienced.

You are tormented by your past , a past you had no control over. Peace feels foreign to you because you grew accustomed to war and to cope , your brain normalized it. You know its not normal but its been too familiar.

You understand how easy it is to fall in the same cycle,if it has not happened, but you must want to do better , be better. Its a path that you have not walked before but one you have to create. You have to deliberately break the chain, you have to seek the help you need. You have to to unburden yourself ,you have to tear down that wall, rip that band aid off and remove the blind fold of childhood trauma. You must allow your children to live and thrive in a home where they are happy and safe.

Love doesn’t and shouldn’t hurt. Create the life you have always wanted. Have a home , have peace and most importantly have happiness.

WHEN I FINALLY MEET YOU .

Hey there stranger ,

Today I felt I should write to you

You have been in my mind more often than I’d like to admit

I think there are a couple of things you should know about me
There are parts of my soul I want to reveal to you

So when we finally meet you will understand that my crooked path was leading right to you


My name is Everlyne, named after my Mom’s best friend

My family calls me Eva but my friends prefer Eve

I have dreadlocks that I have grown since 2016 and my most unique trait is my very eccentric nose

But above all other descriptions of me I could give ,the one that stands tall ,proud and in front of the pack is that I am a mother .


I have a gorgeous ,brilliant and equally spirited daughter,

She has been my life ,soul and has helped to shape me into the woman I am.

I truly began living the day she was placed in my arms

Its just been me and her since she was 7 months but believe me when I say we are both happier ,more psychologically and mentally healthy because of that.


Ill let you in on a secret , I love literary horror, well ,everything horror. I love me some Stephen King

But there’s a tag of war at the top for Charles Dickens and Scott Fitzgerald.

And before I forget , I loooove music , no genre in specific just good music
All that coupled with an obsession with cosmology.


I love hard , maybe too hard and that has gotten me crushed a number of times but I’d never have it any different.

I love being raw and vulnerable, I want to feel ,to experience, to be engulfed in the intricacies that involve sharing souls.

I don’t want to fit wherever or settle for a life that will lead me to regret .
I don’t want to just love , I want to fall in love with you


I have faults , many of them but I now know its alright to be imperfect .

Being imperfect doesn’t make anyone unworthy of love

I hope you love my flaws as I plan to love yours .

I hope you find a complete woman as I hope to find a complete man

I hope to be the first person you think of when you are happy or in difficulty as I hope you’ll be mine

I will love you unconditionally ,I will love you privately and publicly ,I will love you with everything I have and I hope my everything will be enough.

And I promise ,when I show you my soul ,it will only be for your eyes.


When I finally meet you , it will all be worth everything.

BABY ON BOARD!

Public transport can be such a bargain, on one hand it can get you to your destination quite fast because the drivers know evey single detour in the city.  These drivers can literally fit in the eye of a needle if it means that it will somehow help them evade traffic or the dreaded police.  Quick question,  why are all detours made of nothing but the terrain that you would expect to find on the moon?  I have been driven through actual craters and roads that have not been inhabited by humans since the stone age. But I digress. 

On the other hand,  you get to share a tiny congested space with different people. People of different genders,  religion,  ethnicity, psychological and emotional states.  You get to share your space with people you have never met in your life. For the social people,  this is a very ideal situation for them. They can start a conversation with just about anyone ,but for the social introverts, all they went is some peace and quite.

I dreaded getting in a vehicle with babies or toddlers . The noise, the crying,the restlessness, the occasional poop. Why wouldn’t they just sit and be silent and hold in their farts like the rest of us? Why wouldn’t their parents handle then? After a long day under the scorching sun the last thing I wanted is to get into that congested space and get my hair pulled ,dodge their drool or listen to their constant bickering of non existent things using non existent words. But this was me before I had a baby of my own.

My baby and I are so used to private transport and so on the occasions we use public transport it is legendary. I don’t think we can quite behave ourselves. We not only make noise, but we actually whip out a phone,put baby songs and sing along to them ,like drunken karaoke. We not only fart but when she poops my reaction is asking her “is it a big one ? ” and wait through the whole ride because you can’t quite change a baby in a mobile vehicle.

I see all your uncomfortable looks fellow passengers so I serve this as a warning , you see us getting into a vehicle, run! But if you want to see two babies in a new habitat, we invite you to witness and document. To all the mothers I had previously thought to have unruly babies and mannerisms, this is my formal application to be the official spokesperson to the Mother Child Nuisance Group ,the Public Transport branch. 

HER

​Her steps were rhythmic ,as though she was forever trapped in an unseen dance of fluidity. Her arm gently swayed side to side,outstretched,  reaching for the cold smooth concrete wall.  

Her eyes like crystals, could bore right into your soul ,tear down your walls and draw your deepest unuttered desires. The wind caressed her hair like two lovers in gentle but intimate romance. 

Her pink full lips  tightly pursed,  as though she was trying to hold back mouthing the wondrous tune she was humming. 

Her head ,tenderly rocking side to side, was in tune with the gracious fluidity she moved with. She moved in a way such that you would think she had no control of her body. She was a puppet to the universe in a perfect harmonious dance. 

She had an allure to her, an innocence. An intangible inexplicable quality that sucked you right into her.  A terrible seduction that invaded your thoughts and poisoned your blood that course through your body .

She was an enigma,  an alien, a fascinating creature that evoked a turmoil of emotions. She was like a fierce waterfall that could claim you and hull you on the hard water bed rocks,  but also like the giggle of a baby, soft and tender .

It was not hard to see that we were her puppets ,and she, our puppet master.  She was hypnotic, resistance was futile. She lead, we followed.  In her invisible dance, we all moved. 

DARKNESS. 


It is going to be a gloomy night. 

The wind hollows through the trees as the dark cloud descends like a wave of desolation. It rattles through the roof tops, moves the swing making  high pitched continuous squeal and passes through the crevices in a never ending sound of a grim whistle. 

The roads are long clear, devoid of any life.  No one would dare. Not a sound can be heard,  not a clang of pots and pans, not the shuffle of feet,nor the whimper of a dog, not even the chirping of crickets. All there is is depressingly void maddening silence in the hollow wind. 

Darkness creeps in like wild fire. Consuming any bit of light and robbing of any glint of happiness.  The pitch black darkness brings dread and desperation. I start to shiver uncontrollably and hang on to my torn dirty grey coat on to my thin frame.  The cold is becoming unbearable. It can be felt to the bone. I try to move but it feels as though one of my bones will snap, so I stay put.

  The trees, oh the trees. Deprived of their  lustre,have an ashy grey colour. With no leaves, with crooked barks and protruding roots move dangerously  with the strong winds. As if threatening to impale anything that dare step close.

Fear came riding a black steed and has reigned since.  
I try to conjur the memory the sound of laughter, the sound of people talking, the  sound of laughter ,the sound of children playing or the humming of a song.  I try to remember the last time I saw a living soul. Nobody leaves their house, no one would dare. 

I look through the dusty,  milky cracked window and I think how I miss the boring normal days, oh how I miss them. I miss the blissful naivety i once had. Before I knew what lurks in the darkness,before I had a peek through the veil, before my ignorance ,my precious ignorance was taken away from me. 

The life had been sucked out of us in a sluggish sadistic manner. From a blooming town of boring normal people to a sad desolate place riddled with unspeakable horrors.  

The wind hollows,the roofs rattle, the swings squeal,the crevices whistle and the trees sway. In silence it all stays,in maddening desolate silence. I tightly cling to my coat on to my body of skin and bone. The darkness is upon us. 

It is going to be a gloomy night. 

THE GAME.

As usual, I was surfing the internet looking for something interesting to read at three am (I know,  doesn’t sound anything usual to most) when I stumbled upon a sentence.  It seized me with such remarkable interest that I had one of those ‘you dont say ‘ moment. At an instant it changed  how I viewed life as well as how I will forever view it . The sentence read ” treat the cards that you we’re dealt with as if they are the cards you wanted”.

I don’t know if my epiphany is in any way a  mutual feeling, but I’ll go right ahead and delve into it.  

So since we are all conceived to the day we let out our last breath there is one thing in common that we face. It doesn’t matter to what your continent, religion, sexual orientation,  skin colour or even status but every single person on the universe has their on set of problems,challanges, bumps on the road,rough patches  or whatever you would like to call them. Not a single person can say that from the day they we’re born they have had a smile plastered across their face to the day they die. 

The cards are a representative of our life’s  experiences.  The dealer is life. We all shape our own destiny by how we deal with what life serves us.  To better understand this I have broken it down :

  • Never ever compare your situation to another persons.

The worst thing that we do to ourselves is compare ourselves to other people. When I was in high school I had a class mate ,Jane(not her real name), her family was not well up and this made her a very angry and bitter person. She cconstantly told me “Eve, I wish I was like Mary(not her real name) . Her parents are too wealthy and her life is just perfect”. Fast forward to  two years later ,Mary committed suicide and left the saddest note, her dad had been sexually molesting her ever since she was twelve. This was very devastating and mostly to Jane who always thought that Mary had the perfect life.  Jane, though very poor,had loving and caring parents who were always there for her.
Everyone has their own demons to deal with. The grass always looks greener on the other side but that is rarely the case. NEVER EVER compare your situation to another persons because every single person    is unique and has theit own problems to deal with .

  • Embrace your problems.

Acknowledge your problems, accept them and deal with them. Instead of running away from our struggles we should learn to embrace them and face them head strong.  We try to blind ourselves with imagined fantasies of  a perfect life. We create illusions that we can ignore our problems and continue with a very fulfilling life. Life is far from perfect and instead of living with it could have or it should be a certain way we must learn to embrace our problems and deal with them.

  • Eliminate fear in our lives.

We only hold ourselves back from a full filling life by the fear that our problems are going to hold us down yet the only thing that shall ever hold us back is ourselves. We have constant fears that we will land into problems soon or later and this deludes us from ever dealing with our already existing problems.  

We should be brave enough to face life as it is. No holding back on fully lliving our lives  If we live in constant fear of problems we can get nothing done. We must learn to eliminate  fear completely from our lives and reap the fruits that we so richly deserve. 

We can only get to live a very fruitful life if we choose to treat the cards we a dealt with as if they are the cards we wanted. Its by fully accepting the life we have and dealing with everything as per the situation can we see past the see past our problems.


IMAGINATION.

Surely  there is nothing  more beautiful,  more intriguing, more innate than human imagination. We cannot see it nor grasp it but everything that was, is and ever will be is a testament of it.

Every single child is born having in his or her own mind, their unique  imagination. Einstein  said that the true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination. He adds that imagination is more important than knowledge because knowledge is limited while  imagination encircles the world.

Lets look at the 1800s when the one source of light was only oil lamps but a young man,.Thomas Edison would only go to invent the electric bulb and he had to look for an investor to market his invention. Most people turned him down but he managed to find one in JP Morgan.  His father was also a skeptic to the bulb calling it sorcery and a fad. We are talking about the electric bulb. That little gadget that is in each and every one of our houses, shops. Literally  everywhere is littered with this little things. Once an imagination by Thomas Edison. A thing that no one could think would ever exist.

This is just but one example of what would happen if we let our imagination come to light and support them even though it goes against what people think is possible.  Everyone  is blessed with imagination.  Steve Jobs once said that everything around us was created by someone no smarter than you. 

If we all encourage each other to trust in their imagination and raise our children naturing their imaginations the fact that everything is possible would be written in our souls and all doubts thrown to the dark pits that they belong  . A person who lived just 50 years ago would drop just by thinking  of how the world is today. The same goes for 50 years in the future the world will be a totally different place and we can only owe this to imagination. 

I have always believed that imagination is to thank for everything that is today. It humanises us, it’s who we are. So I encourage you to imagine and create because  thats what keeps us at the top and in the continuation of   the innovative advancements in the human race.